why this....

a thought.

2007-04-09T14:33:59Z

love had its own life
always.

bland
blind
blue
black;
blew.

it wasn't me;
i'm not where it is..

it just has my
remote control..

to a long blankness...

2007-03-29T15:25:41Z

its a star-wrecked sky
sun-wrecked sea.

i walk and walk on the edge
of the border between
wrecked and beautiful.

it never seems to end.
it never seems to have a conclusion.

its just
a long longing.

areuthere @ 2007-03-28T15:34:00

2007-03-28T10:08:37Z

a man, a season.

so.

2007-01-23T13:22:41Z

you want to change it.

everything?

you have already corrupted my memories.

yes, they were the ones i was holding on to.

and what can i do if thats all you wanted to hear?

areuthere @ 2006-08-17T02:45:00

2006-08-17T10:14:39Z

its a lot of noise here
these days.

dont you.
know.

my blog.

2006-08-12T13:57:33Z

it's been a long time.

but yeah, i feel silly for not writing.,
equally about being able to write only
poems.

i want to write more important more serious things..

concerning lives..,
not mine.

burning, wanting, dying.

i'm
just a very insignificant,
unaffected part here..

there's so much to be said..

so long now........

2006-06-14T06:13:51Z

where did it go
from the place
i left it...?

i wanted to go back and collect..

but the vibes
tell me.
it's lost,
it's long lost.

and i tell you.
i believe i can live.
i believe i can love.
i believe...

do you believe me?

areuthere @ 2006-04-05T11:52:00

2006-04-05T06:44:25Z

my dear you,
my dear me.

just strange,
just flowing,
away and still
just flowing.

and
to this light
i say
dont blind me
to this music
i plead
dont remind me.

but cant you see
it is all i have.
it is all i wanted to have.

and still like
the old metaphor
of sand slipping from a clasp
if tried to hold tight

its drifting
draining.
and from all the pores of
my body.

all these days.

2006-03-29T11:55:28Z

this lightness

happened
after many many days,
seems like a life time.

a lifetime consisting many lifetimes.

and this lightness seems equally folly.
this might be broken
anytime i remember

he touched me............

this too.......................................

2006-02-14T10:18:11Z

a bad day................

life's not very fast
when there's sadness around...........

it drags
like someone's trying to pull
a steel anchor
almost of his size
on his shoulders...

it might move,
but only, very slowly..

and
this day tells me.
to love and to drown in blood

to live and just walk past
when it rains thorns.

i'll be stronger....

areuthere @ 2006-02-06T16:26:00

2006-02-06T11:02:16Z

yesterday

i knew

it was absolutely neccessary

to kill

that bird within..

she was making a lot of noice

you know.

she was asking me for

her mother

her brother

her father

and everyone she knew.

and i told her,

you are supposed to be

dead by now.

i just wanted to see..........

2006-01-19T12:47:09Z

if i could know

that you were

a part, a song from my own collection

but you made me

recognise

i was just a note of it..........

Lost and found..

2005-12-30T04:35:04Z

oh...

when was i last found, do you know?

i could die, i could live .

i could dream, i could create.

but when i'm awake, and it's this morning.

i know.

i touch my face, my hands and yeah, i know.

was i sleeping?

was i still awake and dint know?

yeah, sitting in a heartless cabin,

there makes no difference if i'm lost

or found.

because it doesnt know, doesnt need,

it cannot feel...

all it can is,

like a street prostitute....

but no, i want to,

oh, i'm lost..

excerpts from a diary

2005-10-25T11:52:07Z

Loneliness

Name of an old cat

Everyone wanted to sell...

Blind now.

Dumb too...

Not enough to reach you.

Though

it may disturb everywhere it passes,

crack some china on its way

and dirty your carpets..

Unrecognisably,

coz it stopped mewing long back.

That day

wind blew from north

unexpectedly..

the noice

some strange ones

woke me up,

sounded like rain...

i went out see.

there were eyes falling,

round, bloody ones.

staring aimlessly.

all over...

in the courtyard,

in the terrace,

flowing with the sewage.....

i took one, felt.

it still contained a nerve beat.

from then.,

i couldnot dream of

the snow-topped mountains

or the orange sunsets...

me here..

2005-09-22T05:33:48Z

you know,

i could be in love.

i dint see it coming, but.

coz, suddenly,

i'm reminded of the yellow butterflies..

and, the glasswares which turns red

when being touched

by someone in love.

so i touch this keyboard

this finely polished tables,

waiting for them to tell me

those stories..

yeah, but i'd known,

about the lifelessness of my own life,

these things i've got to be with,

how did i forget?

it's because of you.

the culprit.

remember,

"i want

to do to you

what

spring does

to cherry trees"?

various solutions for a problem called life..

2005-08-16T16:09:19Z

    ......She was staring at the sea when he touched her. Her uncle who was her best friend long ago. Now i dont know what exactly happened, that touch took her on a swing, between past present and future.May be, the amazing contrast between the past and the present and the hopelessness for the future scared her.A past, where she was loved, considered smart, allowed to dream, the present when her husband dictates everything, and a future which is just a continuation of the present... So she had to weep, even when she should not.

    Now she is not supposed to tell me how much she is suffering. She is not supposed to tell you. Or even herself. When it tries to come out as vomit would, she is supposed to deny.No, i'm fine. My daughter is fine, my heart is, my brain oh my brain.....But, she could not control it today. She is forgiven, everything doesnt work out perfectly everytime..

    Would she outlive this disturbance called "herself" all life, or would she save the energy from tears to revolt against her present? Yeah, i can see the smile on your face. No one has done it before, and from the theories of probability, she can't. But you know, after a cirtain amount of pain, any amount more seems the same. So i think she can.

    Revolution is not easy, i know. Especially when it is supposed to be a bloody one.No body can be assured life. And we all know about thousands of revolutions which failed, countries falling. so this one's very small and vulnerable.

    The Various option she's got are
1) Seeking a divorce

    An Indian Muslim woman, not heard of any till now seeking divorce. Her father married her off from the home she belonged to. She doesnt belong anywhere now. Yeah, she can live alone, here, when you go on the streets alone, you are scanned at every corner of your body. In spite what you are wearing or you are wearing at all, eyes, everywhere, like light tries to uncover the day, tries to reach every hair.And when they know she is living alone, all they will doubt is whom to rape first, mother(29) or daughter(6)?

2) Family councelling

    They will ask her to stay calm, take life positively. A woman has the right to dream, right to believe in herself, they will tell him.A patient litsener, he will be, that's true. That day, she'll go home peacefully. And slowly, she will know, he lied. He dint mean anything he said. But he's a little better, she'll feel. And one day she 'll get up to realise .. He will come back to where he was in ----- days. (i'm confused how much time he will take, so i let her fill this up.)

3)Suicide

    The most absurd,sad way. But what will the daughter do? No, whatever, this is life,which you are not sure of getting back.

4)...........

    Oh, she's here. Asking me what am i doing. Do i show her this, with solutions for her life, i dont know. She's playing with her daughter. I'm asking her, what did you cook today.

how deep..

2005-07-08T05:48:28Z

i dont know how much can i

sustain this

fraud

diplomatic

self of mine..

i know this is not me..

i know this is where i should run away from

still

this music around me

is persuading me to live

telling me "change is scary, difference is not toleraterd.."

take me from here...............

here in wonderland!!

2005-07-01T05:46:59Z

hey... i'm here in search of something relevent to make my days go better!!!

and i can no longer wait..

here, i m near the sea, which seems to have got really angry..

to all of us, the humans..

to all what we have been doing..

does this seem to be like a pretention,

oh god, why am i scared of pretentions,

sometimes, when you zoom out and you see,

you find your soul dwelling in a sea,

of equally irrelevent souls

you shout, you shreak,

all you hear is

a more vague, complicated, unrecognizable noice..

so is it neccessary....

to live, to shreak, to dream?

what am i doing..

2005-06-29T14:31:55Z

this day, everything seems a little worthless.. i know, friends, i'm the reason... but.. and when i look ahead, this is not what i want.. what do i want? do i know?